Tough times never last, but tough people do…..

Welp, folks…..I survived treatment #1. Well, i’m 4 days post chemo so I probably shouldn’t toot my horn too much, but TOOT FRIGGIN TOOT! I’m counting everyday without a barf as a victory! And today marks #4 with no barfs. I’ve been sticking pretty close to the couch and just really trying to take it easy. I have these false senses of “feeling good” and try to get active….for instance yesterday morning I was feeling a bit of alright and decided to take a shower. I even shaved my legs! And that whooped my ass. Yes, just a shower. But in my defense my legs were super hairy – not quite Em Burns hairy, but hairy. I just had to toss that in there because I know she’ll read this! I love you and your hairy gams! So, to answer the burning question on everyones mind. How am I feeling? You know, I feel good. Better than I had expected to feel. I was envisioning me turning into the crazy kid from the exorcist spewing pea soup everywhere as soon as they hooked me up to the chemo. But i’ve felt fairly “normal” for the most part. And most of that normalcy is due to the steroids they’ve got me on. 100 mg per day for the first 5 days of treatment and then they stop you cold turkey. Today, is my last day of roids and from what everyone says day 6 and 7 will fuck stomp you. Which is why i’m blogging today, instead of tomorrow or Wednesday…..because i’m celebrating victories! However small they may be. But Lindsay what are the side effects? Well lemme tell ya…. I have my fair share. Full disclosure for all my followers….all 12 of you. HA! Just kidding…this shit is going viral! Ok, maybe not…but side effects……let’s discuss. Well, i’m on an Arnold size of dose of steroids everyday which surprisingly doesn’t make me want to pick up a barbell. Womp Womp. It’s protecting my organs and also helping reduce the typical side effects, but it’s also keeping me awake. I’m constantly buzzing. My bones feel like jello and my body is SO wiped, but my mind, and brain and just humming along. But it’s not the kind of wiped that you feel when you have a real nasty case of the bird flu…..more like weight. I feel weight on my bones. Like when you’re taking off on and airplane and you feel the G’s start to push you down on the seat? That’s what I feel. All the time. I move slower. I’m hunched over. I feel like a baby deer on ice. And I can’t grip anything. It’s worse than Hillary with the pickle jar! I can barely grip my toothbrush to clean my chomps. Like no shit I just had my Dad peel a banana for me because my damn hands don’t work. So, weakness, sleeplessness…….what’s a girl to do? Well…. take xanax of course! On the reg! Cause i’m tired and I need to sleep! And what’s the xanax do? Prevents poops. THIS. This my friends is what’s getting my goat. It’s a vicious cycle! Last night was the first night I slept…and I mean SLEPT without the assistance of any drug. Was it due to the fact that I worked extra hard to shave my legs? I dunno! But maybe i’ll give it a try again in a few days! Do I feel 100 today? Nah. But i’m rested. And mentally that is worth gold people! GOLD! And again, we’re counting small victories here. I know not every treatment will go this smooth. I know the drugs will begin to compound in my system and the barfs will rear their ugly head….no sleep, feeling like dog shit type of crap you see on TV. But i’m choosing to focus on the good. I’m choosing to focus on the finish line. On ringing that elusive remission bell that I’ll walk by every. single. time. I enter the infusion center. I’m envisioning it right now….how it all goes down. Super slo mo….hands up in the air Rocky style….but most likely without the stairs. Stairs are getting harder by the day. I’ve got my outfit already picked out thanks to a great friend from college who sent me the most bitchin’ pair of cancer survivor leggings ever! I’ve got my eye on the prize, friends. The finish line is far away, but I can feel it. And until then…..i’ll wait my turn to ring the bell.


4 thoughts on “Tough times never last, but tough people do…..

  1. Your positive attitude is contagious!! Keep it up friend. Cancer can’t take that away from you!!

    Many prayers- God is a miracle worker and healer. I’m praying for you.


  2. I’m so happy to hear things are going great so far! My daughter and I read your blog religiously and are rooting for you so hard! Your mental toughness is incredible and that’s what’s gonna carry you through this💪


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