Let’s face it…..there’s only so much ushy gushy stuff I can handle! So, I got feelings! I got feelings running through my bones, guys! When I first got diagnosed with this crap I wanted to crawl in a dark closet stocked with Thin Mints, Life Cereal, and Dr Pepper and never come out. Classic Denial! I didn’t want to make it public…..I don’t know if I was embarrassed or still in shock, but I didn’t want ANYONE to know except for those in my close circle. Mostly because first thing my doctor said was NO SUGAR! And that means booze! So, no red wine. If I showed up to Scandal night, or Thai food night, or any night that my girlfriends get together and said “Nah, no wine for me” they’d immediately know something was up. No, i’m not a boozefish I just like some vino! I thought initially I could just possibly scoot by with treatment and no one would notice, right? But the farther we got down the rabbit hole of treatment it was becoming more clear that, that was not an option. I started the blog more as a therapeutic outlet. To put my thoughts on paper. I shared it with a few friends and family, more so for the fact that I was keeping everyone updated with my treatment plan. But after we met with the Big Kahuna and got the treatment plan details, Zach and I decided to make it public. To jump in with both feet and document the madness! No matter how sad, pissed, anxious or constipated I am we have decided to document everything that goes along with beating cancer!
Personally, I didn’t really think much of posting it on my facebook page. My web of friends is BIG, but really my core circle is pretty small. But holy crap, friends! I’m in awww! I’m completely overwhelmed with the response I’ve received. I think everyone has their fair share of shit that happens to them in life…..and i’ll be completely honest with you…..I am pessimistic by nature. I’ve seen some shit. Nothing anyone wants to dwell about and there are people out there who have been thru far worse than me! But i’ll take a page from my Momma’s playbook….she says i’m “hard”. I’ve never been someone that had things come easy for them? You know what I mean? I’m scrappy. I’m a no bullshit kind of person. I have had some SUPER supportive people behind me my entire life, and I also have parents that let me struggle. Parents – let your kids struggle! Don’t hand them life on a silver platter! You’ll thank me later. Ok, i’m off topic again. I do that all the time! Back to being my normal pessimistic self…. I thought i’d post the blog. Get it out there for all to see. Get a few comments about kicking it’s ass and then everyone would go about their merry way. But seriously……You guys are kind of turning my old grinch-like heart soft! I’m floored at the phone calls, texts, cards, friggin AHH-mazing care packages, necklaces, chemo caps…. all of it. I don’t know what to say. Thank you isn’t enough. Thank you can’t describe the love in my heart for all of you. People come into your life and are gone in a flash…..and i’ll be honest, I never used to give it a second thought. But the outpouring of love and compassion I’ve received from friends I haven’t spoke to in years is incredible. It’s kinda shitty that it takes something like a cancer diagnosis to toss on some rose colored lenses and REALLY appreciate things. I was a firm believer in the universe not giving us more than we can handle, but when this happened I was like WTF did I do to deserve this? But as my friends and fellow cancer survivors Brandon and Naomi always tells me….you can’t feel sorry for yourself. And NEVER ask why me? Just don’t. Be thankful for what you have. Don’t wait around for cancer to kick you in the ass to see how good we’ve got it. Life is good, people! It’s good! Enjoy everyday! I won’t leave you with some inspirational quote….because that ain’t my style. But, I will leave you with a picture of the cutest dog ever to inhabit planet Earth. If this picture doesn’t make you smile we can’t be friends.