Ladies and Gents we have a guest on the blog today! Feast your eyes!!
Hey Readers! My name is Cam – it’s nice to “meet” you. I’m one of Lindsay’s friends from the Kansas City chapter of “Fried Pickles or Bust Club”, which is an active, community-based organization that works to boycott any bar or restaurant that doesn’t serve fried pickles. Just kidding (although, I do think this club needs to exist — mainly because not having fried pickles on the menu is an absolute affront to the very nature of humanity and, personally, I find it offensive).
Okay, okay — In reality, many of you may know me as Lindsay’s first husband. Also kidding. As you know, Lindsay is a gay man and I, clearly, am a straight woman – so that would’ve never worked out! Now, as far as this post is concerned, you’re probably wondering “Why in the hell is this supa-fine individual writing a guest post on my good pal Lindsay’s cancer blog?” Well, because I’m really f*ckin good at making shit about me, and I love Lindsay (and attention). SO BUCKLE UP, folks – here goes nothin’!
Part 1: The Reveal
I was heading home from work to let the dogs out when I got a text message from Lindsay that said “Hey – are you and Matthew around later tonight? I need to talk to you.” This immediately set me off BECAUSE GIRLFRIEND KNOWS BETTER. So what did I do? I sent back a snappy reply that said something to the effect of “YOU KNOW I DON’T PLAY LIKE THIS YOU CALL ME IMMEDIATELY AND TELL ME WHAT’S GOING ON.”
And then the phone rang.
If it’s not already obvious to you, the last thing you’ll ever want to hear from your best friend is that she has cancer. With respect to Lindsay, this was literally the last thing I expected her to tell me as she set off a big ol’ reality bomb that would royally screw with my universe (see, I told you I was good at making shit about me).
Lindsay: “I have cancer.”
Me: “I’m sorry, what? Did you just hear that explosion? Was that on your end? I don’t think I heard you correctly.”
Then there was a pause, which contained about 10 milliseconds of me wishing and waiting to hear the words “just kidding,” to which I would have replied “HATEFUL.” But that didn’t happen – and almost as quickly as the reality bomb went off, I went into listening mode. She was calm, cool and collected, which felt strange to me since I know that if the tables were turned, I would not have been able to follow suit. And when I tell you that I had to work REAL hard to keep the emotions down in their hole where they belong, you must know that this is an understatement. I knew that I couldn’t meet her cheerful, joyous disposition with tears. That would have been making it about me. It wasn’t. I waited until we hung up the phone.
Part 2: F*ck You, You’re My Hero & There is Nothing You Can Do About It
Between Lindsay’s initial diagnosis and today, you know it would be stupid to say that she isn’t heroic. Like, if you say otherwise – I will literally fight you. FIGHT YOU. Just ask Lindsay about the verbal nut-punch she received from me after writing a blog post saying that she isn’t heroic (or courageous). SHE WILL TELL YOU.
In all seriousness though, can you believe this woman? While it’s certain that she’s had her personal struggles and anxieties (I.E. the things we don’t read about on the blog or see on social media), it’s clear that she’s taken this roadblock and slammed it head on. It freakin’ blows my mind that, somehow, she’s the one giving US strength and encouragement EVERY SINGLE DAY. That stupid ability she has to make me laugh through Instagram as she drinks pickle juice from a jar is evidence that cancer isn’t running the show here. Lindsay is. Cancer (that f*ck face) has a minor role in this badass lady’s* story, and I am fully tuned in. We all are. OH, and lest we forget… that short haircut, though! #Flawless.
I will leave it at this: as a betting person – I’d say that cancer better watch the f*ck out. My hero is in the ring, and when she plays, she plays to win. My hero has the support of an amazing husband, an incredible family and more friends that I can count. My hero is Lindsay Ronnau Hildebrand, mayne – and I have a feeling she’s YOUR hero too.
*Please let the record show that this is the first time Lindsay has been referred to as “a lady.”