You better werk!

Oh hey! Hi there! Remember me? I’ve left you guys hanging and i’m sorry! But i’m BACK! Let me catch you up with things thus far! Treatment #4 – DONE. Donezo. Adios. See you never.  I had my mid-chemo CT scan 2 weeks ago and was about to flippin’ burst so I called my Nurse 2 days after to ask for the results. She loves me and also knows i’ll annoy the shit out of her if she doesn’t give me answers so she told me the neck tumors were GONE but she couldn’t give me much more information until I came in for my next infusion. Ehhh… fine. I’ll wait. Last Thursday was infusion day and I got some GREAT news! For starters it was National High Five Day – i’ll touch more on this in a bit. And it’s also the day I got confirmation that the chemo is WORKING! Neck tumors = GONE Chest tumors = Gone and the tumors in my belly have shrunk like a Rick Moranis movie. So 2 more treatments until i’m DONE! Back to the high five….. Sheree who is my Oncologists PA was the first to give me the good news and then shuffled me back to the infusion center and told me that The Kahuna would come back and see me once he had some free time. Apparently i’m doing SO well the mofo can’t even stop by my exam room. Oh ok….I got you, old man. They’ve already started loading me up with my pre-meds and he comes back to my chair. He’s always got this disheveled look on his face when he comes back there….and ALWAYS ALWAYS says to me “Oh my god you look so good I don’t even recognize you!” And then asked if Zach was related to me. Really? He clearly doesn’t recognize any of his patients or their family members. He goes over my CT scan report and says how pleased he is with my response to the chemo…blah blah blah and I say “YES! That’s such great news!” and I raise my hand up for a high five! And he looks at me like what the hell is your hand up for? And I said “HIGH FIVE!” And he still doesn’t get it. But i’m not a quitter so I grab his hand and say “YEAAA!!!” and kinda do a weird first pump thing with his hand in mine. So. Awkward. And now i’m sure he thinks i’m a total freak. But as my Dad says “i’m trying to care, but nothing is happening.”

So, speaking of my Dad or Lex Luther, or Dah Fahjah he was having beers and nachos last night and he, Zach, and I were texting back and forth about how it’s SO nice that he’s in Florida and how it’s SO shitty that we are in Clovis. Sends us a photo of the ocean and I cussed him and then Zach asked him how he can type emoji’s on his Jitterbug. Freaking Hilarious. And then a bit later I get a text from my Dad with a number I don’t recognize and he sends another photo of the ocean. And the number I don’t know says “who is this?” I thought he was just jacking with me because he was out to eat with his neighbor so I thought perhaps the neighbor was the anonymous person on the thread. And I respond with “Who dis be” and the anonymous person is still asking who is this… Dad who is probably a few brewskis in at this point says something that I can’t remember at the moment because #chemobrain but he sends another photo of the ocean. And I send a photo of myself without my hat on…..stringy ass comb over hair FRONT and CENTER chowing down on a chocolate chip cookie. And the anonymous person seriously sends a text and is like “i dunno who you are, but you got the wrong number.” And I send a text directly to my Dad like WTF man! Who is this person! And he’s like “It’s Zach!” And I respond to the ACTUAL thread that myself, my Dad and Zach were on and said “NO. THIS is Zach.” The moral of the story is this: My Dad has real fat phone fingers when he’s been drankin. And I also sent a very un-flattering photo of myself to some stranger who told me my cookie looked delicious. They didn’t mention anything about my hair or lack thereof so I consider this a win.

WHO reading this blog is a lady and has cancer? Show of hands! Because I have some chemo tips and tricks for YOU! I should preface this by saying that I am NO means a beauty blogger. No one is paying me for these endorsements, but if they wanted to i’d certainly take their money. When I started this whole journey I knew right away that I was going to own the no hair thing. I’m not a girly girl. At all. I absolutely despise washing my hair so I certainly wasn’t going to wake up extra early to put a wig on. Yea, I have cancer. I’ll rock a hat and call it a day. But one thing that I would NOT compromise on was the loss of my eyebrows and lashes. The hair was one thing, but I can wear a beanie and look like a super cool hipster. But the second my lashes and brows started falling out is where i’d have to draw the line. They are thinning, but I gotta say they are holding on for dear life! And i’m pretty pleased about it! But I do have some suggestions for you if you’re looking for some products that won’t break yo’ bank account and still keep you looking normal-ish. Also, even if you don’t have the big “C” these products are still legit and should totally be in your makeup bag.

First things first. Dem Eyebrows. It was suggested to me by one of my Real Housewives of Clovis, Emily Burns that I give Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz and Pomade a try. Ladies, do yourself a favor and buy these products right now. You can thank me later. This stuff is AMAZING! Shop for it here:

I wear the Taupe in both products. And while you’re at it go ahead and buy the eyebrow brush “7B” to apply the pomade. Game. Changer.

Now let’s talk lashes. You don’t have to hit up Sephora or Ulta to have this bad chicken in your arsenal. Although the link is from Ulta you can buy this at any drug store!


So I thought i’d post a pic of myself and my fabulous brows. Now i’ll warn you. A little goes a LONG way with that pomade. I’ve had to check myself several times because I get a little heavy handed and the brows come out looking a little too perfect like Rupaul. Let’s face it. That B**** has the most perfect brows ever. Like my stylist back in KC always said to me “They are sisters, not twins!” Truer words have never been spoken!



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