Leaving it up to the big guns? Nah….no thanks.

Howdy y’all! Well I had this whole surprise planned out for you guys this week, but of course when you have cancer NOTHING goes according to plan. Back story: A week ago this past Friday I got a call from the infusion center scheduling a “routine follow-up CT scan” on Wednesday last week (the day before what was to be my 7th infusion). I called the radiology center on Monday to ask what type of prep I needed for the scan and of course they didn’t have me on the schedule. Ugh. So, I called the cancer center and spoke to Chat (Kahuna’s nurse) and she got it all squared away. While I was on the phone with her I wanted to confirm that I wasn’t completely crazy and Kahuna did tell me during infusion #6 that he would NOT schedule a CT scan until after all 8 rounds were complete. She confirmed that I indeed was not a lunatic, but due to a large decrease in my heart function (ejection fraction) Kahuna wanted to schedule a CT scan to see how my last tumor was doing because there was a good chance that if it was gone, I may be done with chemo. Record scratch. What? Did you just say NO MORE CHEMO?? I almost peed myself. The seconds ticked by ever so slowly on Monday, and Tuesday……Wednesday morning we were off to Lubbock to get my cat scanned. Followed by a date night……we saw Wonder Woman at the Alamo Drafthouse which kinda bored me! Not gonna lie! I almost fell asleep! Anyway, that’s besides the point.

Fast forward to Thursday morning……Zach and I do everything the same as we normally do. Coffee and a bagel sammich at Einsein Bros. and we park in our same parking spot at the infusion center. NOTHING out of the ordinary. We were playing it cool, but on the inside we were both about to burst at the idea of FINALLY being done with chemo! They shuffle us back to the exam room…..I don’t get my port accessed so i’m automatically giddy….could it be? Could I be done? OMG they didn’t access my port. I AM DONE! We hang in the exam room and I can hear Kahuna, Sheree, and Chat in the hallways talking about each patient. I have my hand cupped over my ear to try and listen closer. Then they finally come into my room. Hand shakes, and hugs like normal…..because I do love these people. And then Kahuha drops the hammer. Yes, your EF did drop significantly, but there is still a 1 cm x 1 cm spot where your cancer started. Same size, same location as your CT scan that was done after #3. I’m trying to hold back my scream. This. Cannot. Be. Happening. After my 3rd round of chemo every one of my tumors was gone, with the exception of this little bastard hanging out near my aorta. This thing needs to vacate the premises STAT. And then Kahuna says that there is a chance….not a good chance, just a chance that the spot could be scar tissue because it’s stable, and it’s in the same place. I asked 2 questions after that and shut my mouth because there were tears already welling up in my eyes. 1. Am I having chemo today? Yes. FML 2. Do you think it’s scar tissue? I don’t know. But we will go forward with 7 & 8 and then we will leave it up to god. Errr…what? FML again. Leave it up to god? Like isn’t that kind of a cliche thing to say when you don’t have an answer to something?  Especially when it comes to people who are sick and you can’t help? Welp, leave it up to the big guns upstairs. Ahhh how bout no. That’s really not gonna work for me. I can honestly say that since I got diagnosed and knew that this shit was treatable, I haven’t been scared. I’ve been pissed. My mortality hasn’t even been on my brain. It’s one step in front of the other to get this shit over with. This cancer has a really high survival rate, and i’ve never allowed myself to consider that I might be a statistic. Until last Thursday.

So, away we went with infusion #7…..we did everything the same. Sat in the same spot, requested my same nurse and got on with our day. The drug that has messed with my heart function just so happens to be the same stuff that that turns me into a velociraptor for 48 hours after infusion so Kahuna will leave that out of my cocktail for 7 & 8. That’s also the strongest chemo drug in my regimen which drastically jacks with my white blood cells so he did give me the option to refuse my Neulasta injection which I  jumped on like a hobo on a ham sandwich. So hallelujah no crushing bone pain anymore! No falling down the stairs when they sniper me. No waking up in the middle of the night feeling like my friggin’ ribs are crushing my lungs!

Kahuna does keep things close to the vest…..I couldn’t get a good read on him when I asked his opinion on whether or not the spot was scar tissue. However, I have done a lot of research on my own (shocker) and it’s pretty normal to have scar tissue in your lymph nodes, lungs, etc. And because my spot hasn’t changed size or location after 5 rounds of chemo i’m trying to set my mind at ease that it’s scar tissue. But I don’t know. The plan now is to have infusion #8 on July 13th and i’ll have a PET scan after that. I WISH Kahuna would have scheduled a PET scan instead of a CT because of how specific the test is, but such is life.

So away we go! One more round til I get some firm answers. It very well could be that my cancer has been gone since #3 and i’ve just been getting chemotherapy and it has nothing to attack! SOOO comforting! The plan is still to ring the bell off the damn wall and wait patiently until my PET scan all while keeping all my fingers, toes, legs, and arm crossed at all times until I get the results. 17 days! I know I’ve done a shit-tastic job of keeping you guys updated, but honestly the more treatments I get the less my brain works….and i’m damn tired. But we’re almost to the finish line! Hopefully!

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